The other day I was talking with a friend and she was telling me she needed some change in her life. She was feeling empty, even though everything in her life was going just fine. Something was missing, she just wasn’t sure what.
As a friend and a coach, I asked her what was stopping her from making a change. She said I wouldn’t understand. She has children who depend on her. She couldn’t make a huge change without thinking about how it would impact her children.
I asked, “What change do you want to make?”
She replied, “I want to quit my job, and start my own business online.”
I responded, “That’s awesome! Have you started to make a plan, while you are still at your job?”
The answer was, “No, I can’t! I don’t have time. I have my children! I have my job! It is impossible to make time for me! My life is incredibly busy. I end the day on the couch and fall asleep immediately.”
I asked if she knew anything about online businesses, or has she found something that can get you more familiar with online businesses. She said she was looking at a course at a very well known and prestigious university that a friend of a friend had attended and had good things to say about it.
“Did you talk with that friend of a friend?”
“No, of course not. I don’t have time, and I don’t know the person who attended. And also, what would my friend think of me? My husband is changing jobs right now, so he needs to work more hours. I shouldn’t even be thinking about it. It is such a crazy idea! I don’t even want to mention it to people because they’ll think I’m unreliable or a bad mom because I want to do something that will take me away from my children.”
She had reason after reason, talking herself out of doing what it was she truly wanted to do.
This is the type of conversation I keep hearing, over and over.
I wanted to unpack that oh-so-common thought process, and talk about some DON’TS, in case you were thinking about pursuing your dream, or making a change in your life.
The thing is, it doesn’t need to be a big change. It just needs to be a small change, enough to show yourself that the ball is rolling. After the first change, it is about keeping the momentum, and it will become easier and easier.
The hardest thing is taking the first step! Making a decision when you feel you are not ready, and dealing with the butterflies in your belly. Not those warm and fuzzy butterflies, like on the day of your wedding. I mean those scary butterflies, where something is wrong, like you are doing something you shouldn’t be doing, making a huge mistake.
So here there are the 3 mistakes that could get in the way of making change happen:
#1 Saying you don’t have time.
There are only 24 hours a day. That is a fact you cannot change.
What you can change is what you do with your time.
The shift is from, “I wish I was doing something different, but I don’t have time,” to “I don’t have time, but what can I do to make time for what I want?”
I call this the game of prioritization. What are your priorities? You have to decide. You have to have the courage to create boundaries and dare to do different things, even if you are the only one doing it.
#2 Waiting for everything to be perfect.
This is the popular myth of “NOT YET! I need ________ to get started.” We have this impression that everything has to be perfect and figured out!
NO!!! That’s not the way it is!
In the corporate world, I am learning a management methodology called AGILE. This is basically the new era of Test and Learn. Take a chance and start before you are ready.
Marie Forleo has a book called Everything is Figureoutable, and she talks about how you must dare to start NOW. The best next moment to start is NOW (this is a quote from Tony Robbins).
#3 Worrying about what others will think.
All the above reasons stem from this one! The fear of being judged.
“What are others thinking of me??”
This is huge! I believe it is the number one fear of women these days!
Even if I tell you not to give a sh*t about others, it doesn’t matter. You will still care. We have to become aware of this fear. Awareness will enlighten you, open your eyes to the truth. Then, step by step, you will overcome the fear of being criticized. Be aware when you have the thought of what others think. Remind yourself to think again, asking WHY are you having that thought, and why you should care?
I hope this gives you enough food for thought and encourages you to follow your dreams. Avoid those common mistakes that can get in the way of what it is you truly want!