Last month, I listened to an audiobook, the new version of the book 5 Languages of Love by Gary Chapman. I read this book twice in the past, and recently, an edited version was released with more recent examples and situations.
This is a great book, and in the world of coaching, it is very common to share about your love language. WHY? Because it is a way to understand how each person expresses and receives love. A way to find the best way to communicate and how each person feels loved and gives love.
According to Chapman, there are 5 categories:
- Words of Affirmation – Showing or being shown appreciation with compliments or acknowledgment
- Quality Time – You appreciate times of togetherness, receiving someone’s undivided attention
- Giving or Receiving Gifts – Presents, big and small make you happy, especially surprises!
- Acts of Service – When someone does something for you, like cooking you a meal or packing your lunch for the next day.
- Physical Touch – You prefer to be affectionate by touching, including hugs, kissing, or something more intimate.
There is a quiz you can take to see what your primary language is. You can actually have a secondary language as well.
Why do I think this is important?
It’s great to be aware of myself and others, and the possibility to choose my behavior and control my attitude.
My primary love language is quality time. My husband’s love language is acts of service.
As you can imagine, I often would get offended because he is doing something to appreciate me, but without me! And of course on his side, he never understood why I got so upset in situations if he was preparing something for me.
I laughed so much one day when I saw a post I truly resonated with. It said something like:
Acts of Service: I’m going to the grocery store, can I get you something?
Quality Time: I’m going to the grocery store, do you want to come with me?
This is me and my husband! He just wants to get the things done and surprise me with the grocery shopping done for the week! I want to hang out, and I used to get mad because he went without me!
Before you know about love languages, this can be frustrating. You both have the best intentions, but when your languages are different, you are both looking for different things. But once you know your love language and your partner’s, the communication in the relationship makes a lot more sense.
Now that I know about love languages, I understand that my mom giving gifts all the time is her way to give love. I used to say she didn’t need to and it wasn’t necessary! Now, I give appreciation because I know that is her love language.
Seriously, the little details are amazing! Once you’re aware of your language and the different types of love languages, you notice so much more than you did before!
Right now, my 3 years old daughter is a hugger. I think it is because of her age, but I am starting to say her love language is physical touch. I will know soon!
I wanted to share one of the tools we use in personal development, which even goes beyond the relationship of couples, but relationships in general. There are books for teens, for work, and all types of relationships.
Take the quiz and share with me what is your love language?
Do you and your partner have the same love language or do you have to find a balance between the two?