Have you ever taken a personality test?
I took several tests, but one of the most popular is the Myers-Briggs test. This test is a result of the patterns of your behavior based on your preferences. There are so many tests, but there is a free one that I found that I thought was really helpful: 16Personalities.
The result of the test gives you a four-letter code that will characterize your type of personality.
Check the basics from the official site of Myers-Briggs:
Favorite world: Do you prefer to focus on the outer world or on your own inner world? This is called Extraversion (E) or Introversion (I).
Information: Do you prefer to focus on the basic information you take in or do you prefer to interpret and add meaning? This is called Sensing (S) or Intuition (N).
Decisions: When making decisions, do you prefer to first look at logic and consistency or first look at the people and special circumstances? This is called Thinking (T) or Feeling (F).
Structure: In dealing with the outside world, do you prefer to get things decided, or do you prefer to stay open to new information and options? This is called Judging (J) or Perceiving (P).
So depending on your results, you find out what type of personality you have. My personality is ESFP.
Then for each area, there is a percentage scale. So even if we have the same personality type, we can have different ranges of each area.
My range for Extrovert is 92% vs. Introvert 8%.
Well, no questions about being an Extrovert, right?
Typically when you hear about people struggling, you hear of Introverts wanting to be alone, having anxiety about speaking to others or being around other people. We usually see Extroverts as super excited and ready to go! The perception is, they’re always in a great mood and ready to seize the day!
What does this perception mean? This means our society is full of content, structure, and support for Introverts becoming more Extroverts, teaching them to be more social.
This is based on the assumption that our society and organizations are designed for Extroverts over Introverts.
But as an Extrovert, I can tell you that there are things I struggle with and I still have anxiety.
Imagine you’re always thinking about a plan to hang out and then nothing happens. You freak out! Like pure FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)!
It’s very draining, trying to make plans all the time, and the fact that it feels more important to be with more people than it is to be with meaningful people, can be concerning. I should be able to stay home for a nice, quiet night with my family, right? But there’s this constant voice in my ear saying I’m missing something if I’m not putting myself out there all the time!
I don’t think we are raising Extroverts to be comfortable by themselves.
Think about it: when a child is Extrovert, we say they have great social skills and love to be around other children, and that’s amazing! We never think about teaching them to have quiet time, and teach them to play alone, and be okay with it, right? We encourage the playdates and spending time with friends. We sometimes fill their lives with activities because they seem to be enjoying it so much. But what about down time? That’s something we need to teach them. Teach them to be okay with being by themselves and that they don’t have to be go-go-going all the time! It’s okay to just take it easy!
When they are more on the side of an Introvert, parents can sometimes get concerned. Why doesn’t my child like to be around people? Is something wrong? They don’t want to go out and be around anyone. Parents try their best to have playdates and expose them to an environment with other children. The parents and adults in their lives are pushing them to experiment with activities, meet new people, and be okay with being a bit social now and then.
Well, as an Extrovert, I would like to speak on behalf of all of us out there!
We all have great qualities, and social skills are great qualities to have for networking and just being comfortable putting ourselves out there.
BUT, there is a big BUT…
Visionary Leaders need thinking time. They need time to reflect, and more importantly, they need to value the time with themselves and be comfortable with it.
I feel in every step of personal development, you need to be very intentional in what you want to achieve. Whether that’s during your day at home, an event, at work, or in a meeting. But you only can be intentional and stick to a plan if you are very clear about your purpose. If you know what you are getting out of your day, you can control your behaviors.
With that, an Extrovert needs to have very well defined priorities, and define the boundaries you don’t want to cross.
So being an Extrovert, I would like to share my 4 tips to avoid FOMO, being more comfortable with yourself, and becoming the leader you want to be:
- Be intentional with your day and plan some ME time
- Have a clear purpose for the day
- Define your priorities
- Define your boundaries
An example that happened to me last year during a three day work convention, just before lockdown.
During the three day convention, there were a lot of activities, presentations, but then in the evening, after dinner, there were after dinner parties. Normally, I would stay and be the last one going to sleep.
That time? I did it differently. I clearly defined what I would need to achieve and learn from that convention, and I planned the day accordingly. If I had the goal to be a person who was participating, learning, and bringing insightful information to my team, I needed to have at least six hours of sleep.
So I would stay after dinner until 10 pm, and then I would leave. To some, that may seem normal, no big deal. But for me, it wasn’t…
I was very proud that I was able to stick to my plan. I worked through that feeling of FOMO. I knew I would be listening to the stories from the night before that I wasn’t a part of.
And that was…okay.
Here’s how I applied my 4 tips to avoid FOMO to that situation:
- Be intentional with your day planning some ME time
I planned my day and included time to reflect on the learning. In the morning, I would stick to my normal morning routine.
- Have a clear purpose for the day
I was at this convention because I had a role to play in my organization and my team, so I was an active player during the convention. I wanted to get the most out of my time there so I could take it back and make my team better.
- Define your priorities
My priority was to be present during core hours of the convention, making the best use of my time, including networking.
- Define your boundaries
I was to leave the gathering at 10 pm to make sure I went to bed on time. This was a non-negotiable.
Need some help battling FOMO? Check out my post about setting goals to help you be intentional. I’d love to hear how you’ve applied my 4 tips to a situation in your own life!
Did you get a chance to take the personality test on 16Personalities? Share your results! Comment with your own struggles with your personality type and what you love about it!
