It is the first book I read from Brene Brown. I knew the author and her work through social media, and her quotes and humbleness were always quite impressive. And of course, her Ted Talk – The power of vulnerability was one of my favorites!
If someone asks me today what is my favorite book, I will tell Dare to Lead from Brene Brown. So today I wanted to share a little bit about the book and me.
I can’t describe the audience who I would recommend this book! I would say to everyone who wants to be a better person to the world and engage fully with people.
I read the book twice already, the first one was when I tried to keep up the reading with the Read-Along Linkedin, making questions to the author…and… my questions were not mentioned in the videos, but it was a good experience!
Then I decided to have the book in my nightstand and dig in the parts it interested me the most, not even following the chapters…the book is too rich in the content, so I marked the book with the parts impacted the most.
- Vulnerability is disclosure
- Digging into shame
- Empathy vs Sympathy
I can’t find space to talk all about the things I am learning through this book but within the authenticity of our inner and the courage to show up as we are, is making me smile and thinking, I want to be like that! If I need to build a brand of myself, I wanted to be a Daring Leader.
So I am sharing 2 examples that recently I am practicing the Daring Leadership. As the book also talks about all these skills can be acquired how much we need to practice.
“In tough conversations, hard meetings, and emotionally charged decision making, leaders need the grounded confidence to stay tethered to their values, respond rather than react emotionally, and operate from self-awareness, not self-protection. Having the rumbling skills to hold the tension and discomfort allows us to give care and attention to others stay open and curious, and meet the challenges.” page 168
It is ok to disclosure our personal experiences and openly sharing emotions in all cases. This can be possible if we create a safe environment where people can feel safe to rumble. This environment can be created intentionally to our team or at home.
And after reading this chapter (Rumble with Vulnerability) I decided it is ok. So I am doing this, with my team, with my family, making sure we can have the “hard conversations”.
At work, this puts me sometimes in a very uncomfortable situation, if I want to be intentional, I need to give it a start…, being authentic and =vulnerable is not a natural state of humans, but it is worth it.
At work, I decided to help a colleague who is struggling with her manager, passing through a hard time, and in her mind, it comes to the job insecurity. So as her mentor, I started first to tell a story that I can resonate with her, then I told her “Lets rumble as much as we can for 15 min!” We ended up laughing and joking and putting the situation in perspective. The conflict with her manager still is there, but the feeling created is about there is a place in the organization where it is ok to rumble and think through a way to get it out, feeling better is a comfort.
I dare to have that role, as it is too close to me! So we can go out of the politics and mostly joke of all the situations, and the results are only one…feeling better. I am not there to save her or to fix the situation, but to bring her a different perspective.
I think about the vulnerability also in parenting! And it is being a great experience with my son who is 12 yo. Especially because he has this feeling of low confidence in himself and then he behaves completely in defense and is perceived as arrogant and sometimes closed in his shell. So I put myself first asking intentionally about his friends and his feelings…as you can imagine I can’t have nothing at first unless I tell him about my feelings when I was in his age, and my struggles and I can totally understand if he feels the same. After this…he starts to rumble so hard…and I allow him…I wanted him to feel safe at home, where he can express himself.
This week we went to Walmart, and I was asking him if he wants to buy some shorts and t-shirts, as they were on sale. He said no…but a NO…like don’t even think about it. So I stopped and asked him why…he started to cry, and I couldn’t think at first why, but then I got it! He doesn’t want Walmart clothes! Of course not`8, they are not cool and they are cheap!
So I told him I understand very well his feeling… I don’t like either, but there is trick…the basics are ok to have from Walmart, that nobody can see they are from the cheap supermarket, but then you have a few clothes branded that put you in the cool space!
Man… if you ask me if I agree with this! NO… but it is not the moment to tell him off. I remember my frustration when I was in middle school and be in the group who was not cool because didn’t have the Lewis 501. I understand the feeling… I do! There is a lot of pressure, so instead embrace the suck and help through his journey, and find alternatives. And it is better he feels safe at home, right?